I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
