Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
