I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
