Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
