oh god the rape fog is back!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
