Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
