I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
