I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
