You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
