What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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