yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
