Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
