well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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