Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
