bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
