Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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