Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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