Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
