i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
