I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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