I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Floor bacon is actually really good
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
