he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
