When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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