If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
