I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
