I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the day after is always just damage control
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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