I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
