I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
