Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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