my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
