i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
