isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
