yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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