i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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