I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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