Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
