Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
