I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
