He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
