Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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