shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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