the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
