Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
