no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
