You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
