So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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