i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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