Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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