Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
