dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
