...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
