I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
