I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Randomize
