I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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