I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
