I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
