3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
