Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
