he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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