i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I will pee on everything he values.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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