forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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