So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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