oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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