That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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