I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
