I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
