whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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