So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
